253 Quotes by Norm Macdonald

I don't care for sex. I find it an embarrassing, dull exercise. I prefer sports, where you can win.

A capacity for hating the object of desire is, perhaps, the best cure for love in cases of disappointment.

There are two things at which most men are grieved: when their faults are exposed, and when their virtues are concealed.

RIP Amy Winehouse. We lost a true heroin addict today.

Chastity is oftener owing to diffidence and shame, than to fortitude of reason or virtue.

The promises we break are usually such as we are most forward in making.

The first principle of solid wisdom is discretion, without it all the erudition of life is merely bagatelle.

If you desire praise or esteem, endeavor to merit it.

If you watch that show and you didn't know it was called Seinfeld, you'd think it was called The George Costanza Show.