253 Quotes by Norm Macdonald

In giving advice, aptitude is often less to be considered, than seasonableness.

Louis [C.K.] is great. But I don't know how many you could do.

It is vain to complain of fortune while we fail in policy and conduct.

Kenny G has a Christmas album out this year. Hey, happy birthday Jesus! Hope you like crap!

There are two indiscretions that generally distinguish fools: a readiness to report whatever they hear, and a practice of communicating with secrecy what is commonly understood.

If you're looking for the suspect in a suicide bombing, here's a clue: Look for the dead guy.

A great cause of evil in the world is that men seldom think themselves criminal if they offer the same injustice to others that has been successfully practiced on themselves.

The praise we seek for our own virtues sometimes tempts us to flatter the imperfections of other men.

Generally I don't like traveling around saying the exact same thing. I don't think that's a very good thing to do with your life.