253 Quotes by Norm Macdonald

I’m thankful for women. I think women are more intelligent than men. Also, without women, there would be no cookies.

I started on ‘Saturday Night Live’ the same time Conan started on Late Night. We just had a relationship because I would be upstairs in the studio and whenever he couldn’t get a guest – which was often back then since he was just starting out – he would just call me down to be a guest.

I just got back from New York. You ever been there? There was a big gay parade going on there when I was there, and I never been to one of them, and I like a parade. I always like a parade. So, I go there, and it turns out, it’s just a bunch of gay guys.

I would love to stay at SNL forever. But you can’t stay in the same place. People think you’re a loser.

Yeah man, they call gambling a disease, but it’s the only disease where you can win a bunch of money.

Actually, with those dirty movies, I find like, they’re good for about fifteen, twenty minutes. I’m really interested. And, then, uh, there’s one point, that all of a sudden I’m bored. You know? I just lose interest completely and I feel deeply ashamed.

Stand-up has the best writers, because it’s the hardest writing by a million miles.

I don’t know the difference between a hippie and a hipster but, it’s fun to watch either one of them get beat up.

I have always loved Las Vegas. It’s a traditional place for lounge comics to perform, and I love that.