253 Quotes by Norm Macdonald

Our passions may be compared to certain slaves – the more severity we show them, the better they obey us.

If you’re watching a comedian on television and he’s making a political point, I would say he’s gotten too serious.

Scientists believe they may have discovered a primitive form of life on Jupiter’s moon Europa. That primitive form of life? You guessed it, Frank Stallone.

Note to self: no matter how bad life gets, there’s always beer.

When I was a kid, everybody that played golf was an old man. Until Tiger showed up, they weren’t in very good shape.

All my life’s about is cracking up people and them cracking me up and trying not to think about dying. That doesn’t cost very much money.

I sort of have open invitations from a lot of people to do TV. But it’s very hard for me to do roles in sitcoms and movies because I’m not a great actor, so if the material isn’t good, I’m in torment while I do it.

A lot of people think I’m difficult to work with. It’s not like I really want to do that much stuff, so it doesn’t really matter. I guess I’m somewhat difficult when it comes to comedy.

A man’s enemies are those he should endeavor first to make his friends.