307 Quotes by Oliver Markus Malloy

Democrats care about what's fair and true. Republicans only care about winning, no matter how much they have to lie and cheat.

John Oliver, Trevor Noah, Stephen Colbert, Bill Maher and I have the same sense of humor. They're just better at it than I am.

The sad thing is, Trump's minions have no idea how dumb they sound when they repeat his lies as if they were true.

America is a third world country. Trailer parks are America's favelas.

War is like a vacuum cleaner that sucks tax dollars out of your pocket and funnels the money directly into the pockets of the robber barons who own the weapons factories.

Have you ever played Monopoly? It's a board game designed to teach kids capitalism. And what happens in the end? The winner has all the money, and everyone else has nothing. Woohoo! So much fun! That's literally how America works. That's why there are a few super rich people who own almost everything, and tens of millions of dirt poor people who have nothing.

The whole purpose of government is to protect the weak from the rich, to make sure the rich don’t eat the poor, the way they used to in the Stone Age, or medieval Europe, when there was no government and no laws stopping the strong from robbing the weak.

Poor whites and poor blacks have way more in common than poor whites and rich whites. But many poor whites hate poor blacks, and adore rich whites.

Jesus was a socialist.