675 Quotes by P. G. Wodehouse

He was a tubby little chap who looked as if he had been poured into his clothes and had forgotten to say 'when!'

There is only one cure for gray hair. It was invented by a Frenchman. It is called the guillotine.

If it were not for quotations, conversations between gentlemen would consist of an endless series of 'what-ho!'s.

What ho!" I said. "What ho!" said Motty. "What ho! What ho!" "What ho! What ho! What ho!" After that it seemed rather difficult to go on with the conversation.

Success comes to a writer as a rule, so gradually that it is always something of a shock to him to look back and realize the heights to which he has climbed.

I mean to say, I know perfectly well that I've got, roughly speaking, half the amount of brain a normal bloke ought to possess. And when a girl comes along who has about twice the regular allowance, she too often makes a bee line for me with the love light in her eyes. I don't know how to account for it, but it is so." "It may be Nature's provision for maintaining the balance of the species, sir.

What I'm worrying about is what Tom is going to say when he starts talking." "Uncle Tom?" "I wish there was something else you could call him except 'Uncle Tom,' " Aunt Dahlia said a little testily. "Every time you do it, I expect to see him turn black and start playing the banjo.

There was a sound in the background like a distant sheep coughing gently on a mountainside. Jeeves sailing into action.

He was white and shaken, like a dry martini.