675 Quotes by P. G. Wodehouse

When Nature makes a chump like dear old Bobbie, she’s proud of him, and doesn’t want her handiwork disturbed. She gives him a sort of natural armour to protect him against outside interference. And that armour is shortness of memory. Shortness of memory keeps a man a chump, when, but for it, he might cease to be one.

The stationmaster’s whiskers are of a Victorian bushiness and give the impression of having been grown under glass.

He was the sort of man who would have tried to cheer Napoleon up by talking about the Winter Sports at Moscow.

A golfer needs a loving wife to whom he can describe the day’s play through the long evening.

Cheer up, Crips, and keep smiling. That’s the thing to do. If you go through life with a smile on your face, you’ll be amazed how many people will come up to you and say ‘What the hell are you grinning about? What’s so funny?’ Make you a lot of new friends.

In a cozy corner of the electric flame department of the infernal regions there stands a little silver gridiron. It is the private property of his Satanic majesty, and is reserved exclusively for the man who invented amateur theatricals.

There is enough sadness in life without having fellows like Gussie Fink-Nottle going about in sea boots.

A little,” panted Mrs. Peagrim, who, though she danced often and vigorously, was never in the best of condition, owing to her habit of neutralizing the beneficent effects of exercise by surreptitious candy-eating. “I’m a little out of breath.

Yes, sir. The mathematician Archimedes is related to have discovered the principle of displacement quite suddenly one morning, while in his bath.’ ‘Well, there you are. And I don’t suppose he was such a devil of a chap. Compared with you, I mean.’ ‘A gifted man, I believe, sir. It has been a matter of general regret that he was subsequently killed by a common soldier.’ ‘Too bad. Still, all flesh is as grass, what?