675 Quotes by P. G. Wodehouse

It’s one of the advantages I get from being a bachelor – and, according to my nearest and dearest, practically a half-witted bachelor at that. ‘It’s no good trying to get Bertie to take the slightest interest’ is more or less the slogan, and I’m bound to say I’m all for it. A quiet life is what I like.

Tut!′ I said. ‘What did you say?’ ‘I said “Tut!“’ ‘Say it once again, and I’ll biff you where you stand. I’ve enough to endure without being tutted at.

For the last day or so there had been a certain amount of coolness in the home over a pair of jazz spats which I had dug up while exploring in the Burlington Arcade.

When it comes to the smooth stuff, old girl, you’re the oyster’s eye-tooth!

We all shook hands, and the policeman, having retrieved a piece of chewing-gum from the underside of a chair, where he had parked it against a rainy day, went off into a corner and began to contemplate the infinite.

If men’s minds were like dominoes, surely his would be the double blank.

Well, you know what the Fulham Road’s like. If your top-hat blows off into it, it has about as much chance as a rabbit at a dogshow.

I wonder what Tommy Morris would have had to say to all this number 6-iron, number 12-iron, number 28-iron stuff. He probably wouldn’t have said anything, just made one of those strange Scottish noises at the back of his throat like someone gargling.

She did drive me in the Park the other day. I thought it rather a hopeful.