675 Quotes by P. G. Wodehouse

Two tramps of supernatural exuberance called at the cottage shortly after breakfast to ask George, whom they had never even consulted about their marriages, to help support their wives and children.

We Woosters freeze like the dickens when we seek sympathy and meet with cold reserve. “Nothing further Jeeves”, I said with quiet dignity.

For a time the broken heart, and then suddenly the healing conviction that one is jolly well out of it.

Why do you want a political career? Have you ever been in the House of Commons and taken a good look at the inmates? As weird a gaggle of freaks and sub-humans as was ever collected in one spot.

Chumps always make the best husbands. When you marry, Sally, grab a chump. Tap his head first, and if it rings solid, don’t hesitate. All the unhappy marriages come from husbands having brains. What good are brains to a man? They only unsettle him.

It’s a mystery to me how kidnappers ever get caught.

How often in this life a mere accident may shape our whole future!

You would be miserable if you had to go through life with a human doormat with ‘Welcome’ written on him. You want some one made of sterner stuff. You want, as it were, a sparring-partner, some one with whom you can quarrel happily with the certain knowledge that he will not curl up in a ball for you to kick, but will be there with the return wallop.

Remember what the poet Shakespeare said, Jeeves? ‘Exit hurriedly, pursued by a bear.’ You’ll find it in one of his plays.