675 Quotes by P. G. Wodehouse

Do you realize a fraction of the awful things you have let me in for? How on earth am I to remember whether I go in before the chef or after the footman? I shan’t have a peaceful minute while I’m in this place.

It was one of those heavy, sultry afternoons when nature seems to be saying to itself, ‘Now, shall I, or shall I not, scare the pants off these people with a hell of a thunderstorm?

No novelists any good except me. Sovietski – yah! Nastikoff – bah! I spit me of zem all. No novelists anywhere any good except me. P. G. Wodehouse and Tolstoi not bad. Not good, but not bad. No novelists any good except me.

His spirit was willing, but his will was not spirited.

I’m not much of a ladies’ man, but on this particular morning it seemed to me that what I really wanted was some charming girl to buzz up and ask me to save her from assassins or something.

She paused, and heaved a sigh that seemed to come straight up from the cami-knickers. A silence ensued.

You know, Bayliss,” said Jimmy thoughtfully, rolling over on the couch, “life is peculiar, not to say odd. You never know what is waiting for you round the corner. You start the day with the fairest prospects, and before nightfall everything is as rocky and ding-basted as stig tossed full of doodlegammon.

Love is a fever which, so to speak, drives off without wasting time on the address.

I’m a bit short on brain myself; the old bean would appear to have been constructed more for ornament than for use, don’t you know...