911 Quotes by P. J. O'Rourke

Some taxpayers may object to a print journalism bailout on the grounds that it mostly benefits the liberal elite. And we can't blame taxpayers for being reluctant to subsidize the reportorial careers of J-school twerps who should have joined the Peace Corps and gone to Africa to 'speak truth to power' to Robert Mugabe.

I like to think of my behavior in the sixties as a 'learning experience.' Then again, I like to think of anything stupid I've done as a 'learning experience.' It makes me feel less stupid.

Never steal anything so small that you'll have to go to an unpleasant city jail for it instead of a minimum-security federal tennis prison.

People who are wise, good, smart, skillful, or hardworking don't need politics, they have jobs.

The Australian language is easier to learn than boat talk. It has a vocabulary of about six words.

My generation of Americans was the first to really care about racism and sexism, not to mention the I Ching, plus, of course, the Earth.

Never do anything to a clitoris with your teeth that you wouldn't do to an expensive waterproof wristwatch.

When I became a man, I put away childish things and got more elaborate and expensive childish things from France and Japan.

Israel is slightly smaller than New Jersey. Moses in effect led the tribes of Israel out of the District of Columbia, parted Chesapeake Bay near Annapolis, and wandered for forty years in Delaware.