911 Quotes by P. J. O'Rourke

Smoking crack is a way for people who couldn't afford college to study the works of Charles Darwin.

Jack Abramoff is the world's best lobbyist - for the Federal Penitentiary System.

Arguing, in the sense of attempting to convince others, has gone out of fashion with conservatives.

For toddlers I suggest leaving their mittens on year-round, indoors and out. That way they can't get into aspirin bottles, liquor cabinets, or boxes of kitchen matches.

I have never been to a museum in Hong Kong, or a movie or a play. I've never gone club-hopping. I've never taken the tram to Victoria Peak.

That doesn't mean that you should just sit back and just let accidents happen to you. No, you have to go out and cause them yourself. That way you're in control of the situation.

This country is so urbanized we think low-fat milk comes from cows on Nutri/System weight-loss plans.

The Middle Eastern states aren't nations; they're quarrels with borders.

We've come into the world of '1984,' but it turns out to be '1984'-Lite.