911 Quotes by P. J. O'Rourke

The question nowadays is not what makes government work. The question is how do we make it stop.

The real slums are another matter. The bad parts of Tondo are as bad as any place I've seen, ancient, filthy houses swarmed with the poor and stinking of sewage and trash. But there are worse parts - squatter areas where people live under cardboard, in shipping crates, behind tacked-up newspapers. Dad would march you straight to the basement with a hairbrush in his hand if he caught you keeping your hamster cage like this.

The inherent purpose of American government is let people seek their own goals and to encourage them to be responsible on the various adventures they have on their way to those goals, good, bad, and otherwise.

Generally it's not a good idea to wear Banana Republic - type khaki journalist clothes in a war zone. You might look too much like something that's supposed to be shot, such as a journalist.

Fortunately, I'm married to someone who's a pretty excellent parent!

Soccer matches should be something special, something people eagerly look forward to, something that brightens life.

Worshiping the earth is more fun than going to church. It's also closer.

Southern California is a nice place, if you could cut out the show-business cancer. It just keeps spreading.

You'll note that politicians no longer spend money, they invest it. Don't worry about paying more to the [IRS]. You aren't being taxed; you're taking a plunge on a fly-by-night stock issue.