911 Quotes by P. J. O'Rourke

I'm not a tech-savvy parent. I communicate with my children via the old-media format called yelling.

If a journalist shows a facility for praise he's liable to be offered a job in public relations or advertising and the next thing you know he's got a big office, a huge salary and is living in a fine home with a lovely wife and swell kids - another career blown to hell.

There's no telling what might have happened to our defense budget if Saddam Hussein hadn't invaded Kuwait that August and set everyone gearing up for World War II. Can we count on Saddam Hussein to come along every year and resolve our defense-policy debates? Given the history of the Middle East, it's possible.

I've only been to New Zealand once, about 1989. It was incredibly beautiful, kind of like the ideal of where I live in New England - all that and then some - but I can't say I was there long enough to get any very clear idea.

The 20th century was a test bed for big ideas - fascism, communism, the atomic bomb.

Don't send funny greeting cards on birthdays or at Christmas. Save them for funerals when their cheery effect is needed.

The interesting thing about staring down a gun barrel is how small the hole is where the bullet comes out, yet what a big difference it would make in your social schedule.

There is only one basic human right, the right to do as you damn well please.

I knew Hunter Thompson since the '70s, and I loved him, but he would wear me out as I got older.