911 Quotes by P. J. O'Rourke

Good manners consist of doing precisely what everyone thinks should be done, especially when no one knows quite what that is.

You know, if government were a product, selling it would be illegal. Government is a health hazard. Governments have killed many more people than cigarettes or unbuckled seat belts ever have.

Of course, the humans in Haiti have hope. They hope to leave.

All religious believers should be licensed to make sure that they are competent to hold opinions and viewpoints and that they don't believe in just any old thing, such as creationism or a flat tax.

Never serve oysters in a month that has no paycheck in it.

When I'm in the car, I want the only one shouting to be me.

When elites see a homeless person in the gutter, they assume he's saving a parking place.

Supposedly, summer vacation happens because that's when the kids are home from school, although having the kids home from school is no vacation. And supposedly the kids are home from school because of some vestigial throwback to our agricultural past.

If you think health care is expensive now, just wait 'til it's free.