911 Quotes by P. J. O'Rourke

All religions must be made child-proof. Our teachers' unions have done good work in this field, K through 12. Delaying first communions and bar mitzvahs until age 21 would be another positive step.

Vegetables are something God invented to let women get even with their children.

When government does, occasionally, work, it works in an elitist fashion. That is, government is most easily manipulated by people who have money and power already. This is why government benefits usually go to people who don't need benefits from government. Government may make some environmental improvements, but these will be improvements for rich bird-watchers. And no one in government will remember that when poor people go bird-watching they do it at Kentucky Fried Chicken.

Something is worth what somebody will pay for it. Nothing else, nothing more, nothing less.

Fashionably amusing table manners are a matter of breaking the right rule at the right time.

Why can't death - if we must have it - be always glorious, as in 'The Iliad?'

When the government runs out of lenders, it can do something that households are forbidden to do: print money.

Russians not only vehemently despise blacks, they believe Africa begins at the Ukraine border.

If you spend 72 hours in a place you've never been, talking to people whose language you don't speak about social, political, and economic complexities you don't understand, and you come back as the world's biggest know-it-all, you're a reporter. Either that or you're President Obama.