911 Quotes by P. J. O'Rourke

They are just really stupid people in Hollywood. You write them a script, and they say they love it, they absolutely love it. Then they say, 'But doesn't it need a small dog, and an Eskimo, and shouldn't it be set in New Guinea?' And you say, 'But it is a sophisticated romantic comedy set in Paris.'

The motorcycle is a device created by the team of God and Darwin to rid the world of useless young males.

The bar is set pretty low if you want to be a hip, accessible conservative.

Oh, God. The Sixties are coming back. Well I've got a 12-gauge double-barreled duck gun chambered for three-inch Magnum shells. And - speaking strictly for this retired hippie and former pinko beatnik - if the Sixties head my way, they won't get past the porch steps. They will be history. Which, for chrissakes, is what they're supposed to be.

Mankind is supposed to have evolved in the treetops. But I have examined my sense of balance, the prehensility of my various appendages, and my attitude toward standing on anything higher than, say, political principles, and I have concluded that, personally, I evolved in the backseat of a car.

Tom DeLay may or may not have broken campaign finance laws, but he did his best to look like he was breaking them.

Health care's not about insurance! Health care's about getting treatment.

The most futuristic aspect of the House of the Future was that it was made almost entirely of plastic.

Think about last time you were broke ... now how well did it go with spending your way out of it? Did that work?