911 Quotes by P. J. O'Rourke

The great thing about starting golf in your forties is that you can start golf in your forties. You can start other things in your forties but generally your wife makes you stop them, as Bill Clinton found out.

When are the world's political parties going to get appropriate symbols: snake, louse, jackal, ... trash can, clown face, ... dollar bill with bat wings on it?

What Alexander Graham Bell thought up occupied less space than a flower vase. Now it's so small that I have to search all my pockets to discover I've received a spam text.

There are no kinder or better people in the world than those who listen to you when you are 18.

Stay away from girls who cry a lot or who look like they get pregnant easily or have careers.

I am a journalist and, under the modern journalist's code of Olympian objectivity (and total purity of motive), I am absolved of responsibility. We journalists don't have to step on roaches. All we have to do is turn on the kitchen light and watch the critters scurry.

Teasing and a sense of humor, if you can develop that in your kids, and if you can exercise it with the kids, just makes for a pleasanter atmosphere.

Russian cars are silly. They look like imports drawn by a cartoonist for a UAW newsletter.

Microeconomics is about money you don't have, and macroeconomics is about money the government is out of.