236 Quotes by P.G. Wodehouse

When I have a leisure moment, you will generally find me curled up with Spinoza's latest.

She looked like a tomato struggling for self-expression.

That's always the way in this world. The chappies you'd like to lend money to won't let you, whereas the chappies you don't want to lend it to will do everything except actually stand you on your head and lift the specie out of your pockets.

everything is relative. you, for instance, are my relative.

What a queer thing Life is! So unlike anything else, don't you know, if you see what I mean.

[He] saw that a peculiar expression had come into his nephew's face; an expression a little like that of a young hindu fakir who having settled himself on his first bed of spikes is beginning to wish that he had chosen one of the easier religions.

As a rule, you see, I'm not lugged into Family Rows. On the occasions when Aunt is calling Aunt like mastodons bellowing across premieval swamps and Uncle James's letter about Cousin Mabel's peculiar behaviour is being shot round the family circle ('Please read this carefully and send it on Jane') the clan has a tendency to ignore me. It's one of the advantages I get from being a bachelor - and, according to my nearest and dearest, practically a half-witted bachelor at that.

As a dancer, I out-Fred the nimblest Astaire.

the supply of the milk of human kindness was short by several gallons