460 Quotes by P.J. O'Rourke

Happy hour is slightly different in the Soviet Union. There are no ice cubes or orange-peel twists in the vodka. Also, it lasts all day.

When buying and selling are controlled by legislation, the first things to be bought and sold are legislators.

We had a choice between Democrats who couldn’t learn from the past and Republicans who couldn’t stop living in it...

There is a remarkable breakdown of taste and intelligence at Christmastime. Mature, responsible grown men wear neckties made of holly leaves and drink alcoholic beverages with raw egg yolks and cottage cheese in them.

Little islands of human happiness, peace, and prosperity are so exceptional at this point in history that I’m not even sure we can draw lessons from them.

Personally, I believe a rocking hammock, a good cigar, and a tall gin-and-tonic is the way to save the planet.

I don’t even know which end of a computer one is supposed to gaze into. I’ve never used a computer.

Remember, your body needs 6 to 8 glasses of fluid daily. Straight up or on the rocks.

The very existence of the bicycle is an offense to reason and wisdom.