460 Quotes by P.J. O'Rourke

That doesn’t mean that you should just sit back and just let accidents happen to you. No, you have to go out and cause them yourself. That way you’re in control of the situation.

Then there’s politics. Just imagine politics with its dumbbell element subtracted. There would be no Republican candidates. There would be no Democratic voters. The whole system would collapse.

Some women want the strong silent type, so they can tell him to shut up and rearrange the furniture.

If you are young and you drink a great deal it will spoil your health, slow your mind, make you fat – in other words, turn you into an adult.

In case we have to shoot Democrats. It happened during the Civil War, and it could happen again.

I have, of all the inglorious things, a malignant hemorrhoid. What color bracelet does one wear for that? And where does one wear it? And what slogan is apropos? Perhaps that slogan can be sewn in needlepoint around the ruffle on a cover for my embarrassing little doughnut buttocks pillow.

To really enjoy drugs you’ve got to want to get out of where you are. But there are some wheres that are harder to get out of than others. This is the drug-taking problem for adults. Teenage Weltscbmerz is easy to escape. But what drug will get a grown-up out of, for instance, debt?

Jewishness cropped up and has never successfully been put down since.

The Republican convention, an event with the intellectual content of a Guns’n’Roses lyric attended by every ofay insurance brokerin America who owns a pair of white shoes.