460 Quotes by P.J. O'Rourke

Satan probably wouldn’t have talked so big if God had been his wife.

America wasn’t founded so that we could all be better. America was founded so we could all be anything we damned well pleased.

Cleanliness becomes more important when godliness is unlikely.

I don’t think I’ll ever be a real boat reporter. My Rolex isn’t big enough.

A hat should be taken off when you greet a lady and left off for the rest of your life. Nothing looks more stupid than a hat.

You can learn all about the human condition from covering the crime beat in a big city – you don’t need to go to Beirut for that – but a foreign correspondent begins to understand poverty from a different perspective.

In the Third World, honk your horn only under the following circumstances: 1. When anything blocks the road. 2. When anything doesn’t. 3. When anything might. 4. At red lights. 5. At green lights. 6. At all other times.

Haitians weren’t screwed-up, but everything political, intellectual, and material around them is.

I try to ONLY ridicule people who’s efforts are sincere. Very little trouble has been caused in the world by insincere efforts. An occasional seduction maybe. There were very few insincere Stalinists or Nazis.