460 Quotes by P.J. O'Rourke

Rich parents are famous both for miserliness and astonishing longevity. And, when they finally do die, you’ll find they’ve left their estate in inviolate trust to the golden retrievers.

A dugout is much superior to a conventional manufactured canoe because you can get soaking wet without bothering to capsize it.

I remember thinking cocaine was subtle until I noticed I’d been awake for three weeks and didn’t know any of the naked people passed out around me.

Then there was LSD, which was supposed to make you think you could fly. I remember it made you think you couldn’t stand up, and mostly it was right.

People think the free market is a philosophy, they think that it is a creed. It is none of those things. Free market is a bathroom scale, it is a measuring tape, it’s simply a measurement.

Government proposes, bureaucracy disposes. And the bureaucracy must dispose of government proposals by dumping them on us.

Any person who has spent time outdoors actually doing something, such as hunting and fishing as opposed to standing there with a doobie in his mouth, knows nature is not intrinsically healthy.

Humans are the only animals that have children on purpose with the exception of guppies, who like to eat theirs.

Masochists are people that have pleasure confused with pain. In a world that has television confused with entertainment, doritoes confused with food, and Dan Quayle confused with a national political leader, masochists are clearly less mixed-up than the rest of us.