460 Quotes by P.J. O'Rourke

There are plenty of problems in the world, and doubtless climate change – or whatever the currently voguish phrase for it all is – certainly is one of them. But it’s low on my list.

Marijuana is self-punishing. It makes you acutely sensitive, and in this world, what worse punishment could there be?

The question nowadays is not what makes government work. The question is how do we make it stop.

Never be unfaithful to a lover, except with your wife.

Never do anything to a clitoris with your teeth that you wouldn’t do to an expensive waterproof wristwatch.

With Epcot Center, the Disney corporation has accomplished something I didn’t think possible in today’s world. They have created a land of make-believe that’s worse than regular life.

My Grandmother wouldn’t even speak the word Democrat if there were children in the room, she’d say Bastards instead.

In theory, taxes should be like shopping. What I buy is government services. What I pay are my taxes.

The people I see on bicycles look like organic-gardening zealots who advocate federal regulation of bedtime and want American foreign policy to be dictated by UNICEF. These people should be confined.