460 Quotes by P.J. O'Rourke

The only time a bachelor’s bed is made is when it’s in the factory.

If we do our deficit spending on weapons, at least we get weapons. Then if we need weapons, we have them. If we don’t need them, no harm is done.

Everybody in 15th century Spain was wrong about where China was and as a result, Columbus discovered Caribbean vacations.

The sky was so clear that the starlight cast shadows, and so many sparkles and glitters and glints appeared above us that it looked like something really expensive had been dropped and shattered in heaven – God’s Steuben ashtray, maybe.

Drugs have taught an entire generation of kids the metric system.

East Germany was so total in its totalitarianism that everything was banned which wasn’t compulsory.

Even very young children need to be informed about dying. Explain the concept of death very carefully to your child. This will make threatening him with it much more effective.

What would annoy the most people most often? That is the true left-wing test of government intervention.

If the Japanese want to be taken seriously as world financial powers, they’d better quit using the same tailor as variety show chimps.