460 Quotes by P.J. O'Rourke

Well the planet I’ve got a chance to visit is Earth, and Earth’s principal features are chaos and war. I think I’d be a fool to spend years here and never have a look.

Germans respond well to lies. At least, they always have historically.

You can smoke or drink on a golf course without interrupting the game, and you can take a leak – something you can’t do on a squash court and shouldn’t do in a swimming pool.

There’s a certain kind of behavior in the Arab world that, to me, resembles the way young men behave when there is no significant influence from women in their lives.

Never strike anyone so old, small or weak that verbal abuse would have sufficed.

Passover is my idea of a perfect holiday. Dear God, when you’re handing out plagues of darkness, locusts, hail, boils, flies, lice, frogs, and cattle murrain, and turning the Nile to blood, and smiting firstborn, give me a pass, and tell me when it’s over.

Let’s reintroduce corporal punishment in the schools – and use it on the teachers.

I suppose I should get a VCR, but the only thing I like about television is its ephemerality.

You can’t get good chinese takeout in China and cuban cigars are rationed in Cuba. That’s all you need to know about communism.