460 Quotes by P.J. O'Rourke

It is a popular delusion that the government wastes vast amounts of money through inefficiency and sloth. Enormous effort and elaborate planning are required to waste this much money.

When someone detonates a suicide bomb, that person does not have career prospects.

Earnestness is stupidity sent to college.

No drug, not even alcohol, causes the fundamental ills of society. If we're looking for the source of our troubles, we shouldn't test people for drugs, we should test them for stupidity, ignorance, greed and love of power.

If you say a modern celebrity is an adulterer, a pervert and a drug addict, all it means is that you've read his autobiography.

They're not exactly sinister and crafty demons, and they're not exactly world-saviors, and they sure aren't interested in peace and harmony, or in war and disorder. What communists are, after all, is just a bunch of sloppy office workers in ill-fitting clothes who want desperately to be like us.

…being specific is the essence of lawmaking and the whole difference between having a Congress and having a mom.

The Affordable Health Care for Americans Act, passed by the House of Representatives on November 7, 2009, was 1,990 pages long. You could stand on it to paint the ceiling. The entire U.S. Constitution can be printed on eight pages. That's eight pages to run a whole country for 221 years versus four reams of government pig latin if you slam your thumb in a car door.

Children must be considered in a divorce considered valuable pawns in the nasty legal and financial contest that is about to ensue.