460 Quotes by P.J. O'Rourke

Whenever people tell you they are going to wipe the slate clean, it’s your slate they mean to wipe.

What use is it to endure the Dutch Rubs and Indian Rope Burns that are politics if you can’t obtain mastery over people and give them noogies back?

Imagine having journalists in your own home and not even covering the furniture with plastic sheets first.

If I give up drinking, smoking, and fatty foods, I can add ten years to my life. Trouble is, I’ll add it to the wrong end.

If we’re free to do what we want, why does government always have a plan for us?

Italy is not technically part of the Third World, but no one has told the Italians.

If you say a modern celebrity is an adulterer, a pervert and a drug addict, all it means is that you’ve read his autobiography.

We should never hesitate to listen to a fool about life because life is pretty foolish as far as I can tell.

The political process consists entirely of politicians talking out of their butts.