460 Quotes by P.J. O'Rourke

The young are adept at learning, but even more adept at avoiding it.

Christmas begins about the first of December with an office party and ends when you finally realize what you spent, around April fifteenth of the next year.

Good manners can replace morals. It may be years before anyone knows if what you are doing is right. But if what you are doing is nice, it will be immediately evident.

Maybe a nation that consumes as much booze and dope as we do and has our kind of divorce statistics should pipe down about “character issues.”

Poverty can’t be eliminated by punishing people who’ve escaped poverty.

Nothing bad is going to happen to us. If we get fired, it’s not failure; its a midlife vocational reassessment.

Predicting innovation is something of a self-canceling exercise: the most probable innovations are probably the least innovative.

My wife and I both come from Irish families. There are two kinds of Irish families: the hitting kind and the kidding kind. If you’re fortunate – and both of us are – you come from the kidding kind of Irish family.

Whatever the occasion, do not neglect alcohol. No other refreshment will do. Yes, alcohol kills brain cells, but it’s very selective. It only kills the brain cells that contain good sense, shame, embarrassment, and restraint.