460 Quotes by P.J. O'Rourke

The real truth about children is they don’t speak the language very well. They’re physically uncoordinated. And they are ignorant of our elaborate ideas about right and wrong.

We won’t dispassionately investigate or rationally debate which drugs do what damage and whether or how much of that damage is the result of criminalization. We’d rather work ourselves into a screaming fit of puritanism and then go home and take a pill.

I’m old enough to remember when the air over American cities was a lot dirtier than it is now.

For toddlers I suggest leaving their mittens on year-round, indoors and out. That way they can’t get into aspirin bottles, liquor cabinets, or boxes of kitchen matches.

Nobody likes insurance companies, especially health insurance companies.

I arrived in the middle of a press conference – as boring a thing to sit through if you don’t know the language as it is if you do.

The Italians have had 2,000 years to fix up the Forum and just look at the place!

You can keep the dining room clean by eating in the kitchen.

People are always angry at America. They’re absolutely certain that America either caused their problems or is deliberately not fixing their problems. But the anger is always directed at America and never at Americans.