460 Quotes by P.J. O'Rourke

Golf combines two favorite American pastimes, taking long walks and hitting things with a stick.

A man who drinks in a healthy, fit, and self-approving manner will mix vodka with yogurt and get tangled in the Nautilus machine trying to kiss his own ass.

The American political system is like fast food— mushy, insipid, made out of disgusting parts of things...and everybody wants some.

I found out that all the important lessons in life are contained in the three rules for achieving a perfect golf swing: 1. Keep your head down. 2. Follow through. 3. Be born with money.

There's one more terrifying fact about old people; I'm going to be one soon.

Then proper behavior all through the holiday season is to be drunk. This drunkenness culminates on New Year's Eve, when you get so drunk you kiss the person you're married to.

You can always reason with a barnyard animal too for all the good it does.

Zen martini: A martini with no vermouth at all. And no gin, either

You know your children are growing up when they stop asking you where they came from and refuse to tell you where they're going.