460 Quotes by P.J. O'Rourke

No one has ever had a fantasy about being tied to a bed and sexually ravished by someone dressed as a liberal.

You can’t shame or humiliate modern celebrities. What used to be called shame and humiliation is now called publicity.

Intelligence collection has been given an additional bureaucracy to correct the problems created by too much bureaucracy in intelligence collection.

Fishing is a sport invented by insects and you are the bait.

The key ingredient of politics is the idea that all of society’s ills can be cured politically. It’s like a cookbook where the recipe for everything is to fry it. The fruit cocktail is fried.

Sloths move at the speed of congressional debate but with greater deliberation and less noise.

The whole idea of our government is this: If enough people get together and act in concert, they can take something and not pay for it.

Watching Republicans in Washington is like watching lemmings, if lemmings jumped into cesspools instead of off cliffs. Splash! There goes Mark Foley!

No drug, not even alcohol, causes the fundamental ills of society. If we’re looking for the source of our troubles, we shouldn’t test people for drugs, we should test them for stupidity, ignorance, greed and love of power.