200 Quotes by Patton Oswalt

Doing ‘Young Adult’ was really reassuring to me in a lot of ways. It confirmed a lot of suspicions I had about great actors.

Any acting job that I ever got, I always treated it like I was a neophyte, I didn’t know what I was doing and I was going to work just as hard as I do on my stand-up.

Any comedian who tells you how dark and dangerous they are, they’re not dark and dangerous.

Having enough money has to go hand in hand with living in a way that you’re not being a slave to your possessions.

If Kevin James or Paul Giamatti drop weight, I’m done. I don’t want to be the last pudge out there.

I visited Surrey in the early fall of 1994, and I would return only if I was tasked to kill a demon to save the world. Maybe not even then. Sorry, Surrey. Sorry, world. Yay, hypothetical demon.

I can’t say that I ever abided nerd stereotypes: I was never alone or felt outcast.

Here’s what I’m afraid of. I know a lot of comedians, friends of mine, who just got into the ‘Doesn’t matter what I say. It doesn’t matter. They’re just gonna laugh anyway.’

I’ve gotten very cynical and kind of anhedonic about all the things I have to do to get to do comedy: all the travel, hotels, and airports.