169 Quotes by Paul Reiser

As you get older you realize your parents don’t look so dumb – and that you’re not as smart as you thought you were.

Every time I see Peter Falk in the movie I think that would be great. We’d be fun together.

It was trying to make my tennis game look mildly respectable, which I found you don’t even really need to practice if you have a really good editor. They can edit it and you’re like, “Hey, it looks like I’m playing really well.” That was the fun part, but it was like going to summer camp.

Just because a baby cries, I discovered, doesn’t mean there’s always something wrong. Sometimes babies wake up for no real reason. They just want to check if they’re doing it right. “This is Sleeping, right?” “Exactly.” “I just lie here?” “That’s right.” “Okay.” Then back to sleep they go.

Once in a while you get a moment of clarity – an inspiration – and they don’t come that frequently.

A new child in the house is a huge tourist attraction. It’s like Disneyland, except there the lines are longer and no one brings casseroles.

There are two types of people in life – those who get it and those who don’t.

The consumer mentality – we like something, what other flavor does it come in? We like that TV show, does it come in a book form? Does it come in a capsule? How about a soup?

Marriage is just an elaborate game that allows two selfish people to periodically feel that they’re not.