169 Quotes by Paul Reiser

I can’t get past the fact that food is coming out of my wife’s breasts. What was once essentially an entertainment center has now become a juice bar.

There’s something that happens in that delivery room, when a woman becomes ten times more a woman, and a guy becomes six times less a man. You feel really dopey and useless and like a spectator. I did, anyway.

But at the same time that the experience is pulling you apart, it’s also bonding you. You have this joint venture! You both made this baby. And that’s the thing I still can’t get over.

There was a period where our child’s birth was getting really close, and we still had nothing. We were dangerously close to calling him Untitled Baby Project.

I’d never directed before and this movie’s too important to me to put in the hands of some guy who has never directed. Even if it’s me.

Nothing would make me happier if Peter Falk would finally win his Oscar for this. Not just as the writer but as a fan and a friend. It would be so great.

My wife and I never agree on the dishtowels. It’s a matter of terms. She asks me not to put the dishtowel in the sink. So I drape it over the sink, but not in the sink. If that’s our biggest problem, I think we’re in good shape.

I remember my wife and I used to get on plane and see everybody else with their babies. They’d be putting strollers and car seats up above, and we’d think: Oh, please Lord, don’t make us go through that.

There’s something very refreshing about being on stage.