458 Quotes by Penn Jillette

No one can tell you the rules of ‘Celebrity Apprentice.’ No one. Donald Trump just does what he wants, which is mostly pontificating to people who are sucking up to him, while the network people try to manipulate him into making the highest-rated show they can.

You can’t stop insane people from doing insane things with insane laws. That’s insane!

When I buy Windows 98, I’m not only buying something useful, I’m giving money to Bill Gates, which is a really good thing.

Meeting our audiences, or at least the members of the audience who would like to meet us, makes us different from other entertainers. We aren’t scared of our audiences. We’ve learned that the crowds that other entertainers might hate – the quiet crowds – include many people who are loving the show. I love quiet crowds now; I don’t see them as lacking enthusiasm, I see them as paying attention. We’ve learned that a joke that didn’t get a loud laugh might be someone’s favorite line.

I don’t think anything gives your life joy and meaning. I think your life simply has joy and meaning. The love for my children, the love for my parents and the love for my friends is the end in itself. The meaning is life.

We all have friends we love dearly that couldn’t pass for human in a strict Turing test.

I’m not greedy. I have love, blue skies, and Hallmark cards, and that has to be enough. It has to be enough, but it’s everything in the world – and everything in the world is plenty for me. It seems just rude to beg the invisible for more.

I’m a big fan of gospel music, and you cannot be a fan of rock and roll, you cannot be a fan of country western music, and you can’t really be a fan of jazz without listening to a lot of music that’s religious.

Juggling is very, very straightforward; very, very black and white; you’re manipulating objects, not people. And that’s always appealed to me.