458 Quotes by Penn Jillette

Before you can read, you know the difference between a story and reality. And, of course, by the time you’re old enough to do any real damage with an Uzi, you’ve learned that difference.

There is no god.” I’ve said that sentence on Glenn Beck’s TV show in front of his live audience at his studio in the Texas Bible Belt. I’ve told Republicans that I like immigrants. I’ve told Democrats that I dig rich people. I’ve told sane people that I like lawyers. But.

I’m a big fan of huge populations of people, so you’d think with 300 million people in the country, you don’t even have to please 1% to be phenomenally successful.

Life speeds by and no matter how much joy there is, there is sadness.

The best way to fight the terrorists is to have the freest country on earth. You should be able to get on an airplane, and people – that will not possibly happen again.

I’m always fascinated by the use of the first-person plural talking about sports.

It wasn’t success, because Teller and I, by the time Asparagus Valley got together – within a year, we had achieved all our goals. I mean, our goal was to earn our living doing exactly what we wanted. Which is many people’s goal.

I don’t think I’m made of the right stuff to be a politician. I think I’m made to be a loose cannon.

This is going to sound horrible, but I don’t even know how much I make in a year. It must be, you know, a couple of million dollars, a few million. I know it’s more money than my dad, a jail guard, made in his lifetime; more money than I’ll ever need.