110 Quotes by Pete Holmes

I’m trying to, with my stand-up and with the podcast, give people these little stupid things to give them happiness. I know that sounds lofty or like I’m starting a cult, but I kind of feel that way.

What people respond to is intimacy and regularity.

I went and saw Letterman when I was 15, and that had a profound impact on me.

Traffic: Sit there. Sit. Occasionally move your foot from the brake and crawl forward, then put it back. That's all you do for hours. It's very calming.

I love Jon Stewart.

I'm not the hugest comic book person, but I do love superheroes.

When I was in junior high, I went to a really hippy dippy Quaker school where we called our teachers by their first names and stuff.

When you think about a festival from a comedian's perspective, it has to do with who else does it - that's number one. The second consideration - and this is kind of crazy - is: 'What's the food like? What is the town like? Is it walkable? Is it easy to get around?'

I can't speak for everybody. But I will say that for me, when I've been depressed - and I get depressed. I have irrational bouts of anxiety. I have random FedEx deliveries of despondency. Just like, 'I didn't order this. Oh, well, keep the PJs on, cancel everything you're doing today. It's time to take a sad shower.'