189 Quotes by Ray Romano

My daughter's tricycle said "Some Assembly Required." It came in a jar.

I had a very Italian house - the "plastic furniture you couldn't sit on" house. Did anybody have the museum house? For a kid it's traumatic. Towels you can never touch. China no one's ever gonna use. Everything is for a special occasion that never happens. My mother was waiting for the Pope to show up for dinner. Or Sinatra. Or Chachi.

If you are someone, you know, with fame, whatever amount, it's good to be married to someone who's not impressed with that at all.

My wife gets all the money I make. I just get an apple and clean clothes every morning.

You know, before I would think, my cab driver hates me. Now I think my limo driver hates me.

When you wake up one day and say, "You know what? I don't think I ever need to sleep or have sex again." Congratulations, you're ready (to have children).

I do know its important to keep the romantic spark alive in your marriage. But with four kids, sometimes it's enough just to keep yourself alive.

People think living in your parents' basement until you're twenty-nine is lame. But what they don't realize is that while you're there, you save money on rent, food, and dates.

Well, I'm a 14 handicap. Anyone who golfs knows what that means.