189 Quotes by Ray Romano

I'm now unemployed. It's a weird feeling with no work, but at least there's still golf. Standup comedy is like my core, it's what I do. But I want to be a pro golfer. It's a love/hate relationship with golf. I can come away feeling so serene, and yet, it's the thing that I can let get to me to throw a club and say curses that don't even exist. I'm obsessed with something that won't let me master it. I don't know. I need therapy.

Whenever I walk off the golf course, I thank God that I'm able to tell a joke. I thank God I'm good at something.

I married a saint - well, a saint who curses.

I still feel like an immature idiot inside, but I look in the mirror and - as a friend of mine once said- this old guy keeps getting in the way.

If I have sex, I know my quarterly estimated taxes must be due. And if it's oral sex, I know it's time to renew my driver's license.

I don't want to say work is who I am, but some people feel more centered and more whole when they're producing and creating.

I don't know if you want to see the Everybody Loves Raymond guy in a nude scene.

In school, I wasn't a very good student - I was very irresponsible and never did the studying but always liked to get the laugh.

You might think that's an exaggeration but believe me, if you leave twin two-year-olds alone in your living room, at some point a cow will be airborne.