80 Quotes by Richard Armour

My day-old son is plenty scrawny, his mouth is wide with screams, or yawny; His ears seem larger than he's needing, His nose is flat, his chin's receding. His skin is very, very red, He has no hair upon his head, And yet I'm proud as proud can be, To hear you say he looks like me.

They head the list of bad to bet on: But I insist they're worse to get on

Libraries: Here is where people, one frequently finds, lower their voices, and raise their minds.

The hand is quicker than the eye is, but somewhat slower than the fly is.

Rockefeller made his money in oil, which he discovered at the bottom of wells. Oil was considered crude in those days, but so was Rockefeller. Now both are considered quite refined.

The great improvement of the radio over the telephone is that it may be turned off without offending the speaker.

Adolescence isn’t a period; it’s a coma.

Each year it grows harder to make ends meet – the ends I refer to are hands and feet.

There is no balm of Gilead, No salve, no soothing ointment To stay the pain of one who’s had In love a disappointment – Unless it be that healing lotion Of fixing on a new devotion.