339 Quotes by Rita Rudner

If I say a joke and the audience laughs it makes me feel good.

I was going with someone for a few years, but we broke up. It was one of those things. He wanted to get married, and I didn't want him to.

I want to have children, but my friends scare me. One of my friends told me she was in labor for 36 hours. I don't even want to do anything that feels good for 36 hours.

Cats are a waste of fur.

I get so happy when I write a joke. It's a very satisfying, liberating feeling.

I knew so little about money I used to sign my check, "Love, Rita."

I love to write jokes and that's all I think about.

How can I have morning sickness when I don't get up till noon?

I wanted to say things that were natural coming from me.