"In the ambiguity and shifting playing field of adult life, I often wish I could just fill in a dot and have someone say “Yes” and hand me a chicken leg, or “No” and slap me with an old fish."
Share:
"On stage, I’m me. I’m a husband, I’m a dad, I’m a guy, I’m a mess – but I am a cohesive thing that you recognize as one human entity saying these things that he generally believes."
Share:
"It’s hard for me to get embarrassed, but the things that do embarrass me would be if anybody ever heard my wife and I talking in our robust, made-up language."
Share:
"I’m crazy about Shakespeare, who was a notorious word inventor. And my wife is an English teacher, and she’s hilarious."
Share:
"Cats probably wouldn’t need 9 lives if they wore tiny little helmets and didn’t smoke cigarettes."
Share:
"With Twitter, you just want to make people laugh in their meeting; on stage, people have paid for their tickets with their hard-earned money, so I owe them the truth as I experience it."
Share:
"Well, Mitt Romney is a very attractive comedic target. He’s irresistible to me. I mean, seriously, I want to pay less attention to him."
Share:
"Running is special. We’ve all done it: well, poorly, focused, in fear, being pursued, toward a goal. It’s just elemental. Running is like fire."
Share:
"I’m endlessly fascinated by parenting, marriage, my wife and the ins and outs of marriage."
Share:
"Politicians, it’s in their job description to just lie, every day."