224 Quotes by Rob Sheffield

I was the only kid at Camp Don Bosco who would admit he was an alter boy back home, so I served two masses a day all summer. But I loved the cassock and surplice, ringing the bells, lighting the candles – it was like being a glamrock roadie for God.

Renee used to say real life was a bad country song, except bad country songs were believable and real life isn’t.

Not being able to protect her from things was the most frightening thing I’d ever felt, and it kicked in as soon as we got together. With every year we spent together, I became more conscious that I now had an infinitely expanding number of reasons to be afraid. I had something to lose.

It was like trying to break up with the color orange, or Wednesday, or silent e. It was the most passionate and tumultuous relationship I’d ever known.

One nice thing about growing up Catholic is it makes you open-minded about other people’s religions, since ours is nuttier than yours.

It takes only one bad amp to turn your ears to oatmeal: That’s how old hippies became Yanni fans.

When Renee and I talked about it years later, we agreed on one point: We were insane. Renee always said, “If any of our kids want to get married when they’re twenty-five, we’ll have to lock them in the attic.” We were just kids, and everybody who came to the wedding party was guilty of shameful if not criminal negligence – look at the shiny pretty toaster, isn’t it cute to see the babies playing with it in the bathtub? Jesus, people!

It’s always that one song that gets to you. You can hide, but the song comes to find you.

It was a smashing time, and then it ended, because that’s what times do.