23 Quotes by Robert Clark

I am completely opposed to the British National Party; I couldn’t possibly support people who find fluorescent yellow flyers appealing.

People tell me I shouldn’t smoke because it is makes you look like a tit. I use exactly the same argument when people tell me they go to the gym.

I have always been homosexual and it surprises me that more people are not; women’s pink bits are moist and forbidding and I enjoy those qualities much more in a Victoria sponge.

I was very surprised when last I bought a packet of cigarettes and had to request a refund as I read a warning that told me “smoking can cause fatal lung cancer”.

Always buy pornographic books in hardback because they’re easier to hold with one hand.