40 Quotes by Robert Rankin

Science,′ said Mr Anders Anders. ‘Science, not magic. I told you before: when things are not as they appear to be, it’s because they’re actually simpler than you think them to be. Things are never as difficult and complicated as folk believe. You’d be surprised just how straightforward and obvious things really are. The secret is in knowing how to look at them the right way.

Jamadars and bheesties,’ said the helmsman. ‘Not to mention the major-domos, lordly lamplighters and twisted firestarters.’ ‘Twisted firestarters?’ enquired the detective. ‘I told you not to mention them.

Probably one of those sinister organisations that lurked behind the mask of amusing acronym, such as BUM, for example – the Bermondsey Union of Minstrels. Or WILLY, the Whitechapel Institution for Long-Legged Yodellers. It could be any one of a hundred such evil cabals. With the notable exception of the Meritorious Union For Friendship, Decency, Individualism, Virtue and Educational Resources, who were above reproach.

H. G. Wells once said that every word of which a man is ignorant represents an idea of which he is ignorant.

What it all comes down to, as it so often does, is the very beginning of the universe. This, say the big-heads of the scientific fraternity, all began with a big bang. Wrong! The universe, in fact, began with the sound of a duck call, followed by a whistle and an enormous cosmic wind-break. Had anyone been around at the time to overhear these sounds, they would probably have received a pretty good indication of what God had up his sleeve, amongst other places.

To say that it was wondrous would be to say that the universe is quite a big place.

It was a sight to make Zane Grey reach for his ballpoint, or Sergio Leone send out for another fifty foot of standard eight.

Who was there to guide them? The words of self-obsessed politicians, egotistical media personalities, power-crazed newspaper magnates and half-mad clerics? Who could reason sensibly when supplied with all the wrong information for all the wrong reasons?

Neville flexed his nostrils, he didn’t like the smell of this. The young man was clearly a monomaniac.