569 Quotes by Rodney Dangerfield

Comedy is a camouflage for depression.

What a childhood I had. Once on my birthday my ol' man gave me a bat. The first day I played with it, it flew away.

It's nice to be the best, but not when being the best brings out the worst in you.

I tell ya, gambling never agreed with me. Last week I went to the track and they shot my horse with the opening gun.

One night I asked a cabbie to take me where the action is, he took me to my house.

They change the sheets every day... from one bed to another.

My wife is such a bad cook, if we leave dental floss in the kitchen the roaches hang themselves.

I'm a downer. I've been depressed my whole life. Figure it out.

I tell ya, I was an ugly kid. I was so ugly that my dad kept the kid's picture that came with the wallet he bought.