569 Quotes by Rodney Dangerfield

Group sex, are you kidding, I had group sex – my wife screwed in front of the jury.

I feel sorry for short people, you know. When it rains, they’re the last to know.

I tell ya, with my wife, I got no sex life. Her favorite position is facing Bloomingdale’s.

I went to a gay bar, they wanted proof of sex so I showed them, they said it wasn’t enough.

I’ll tell ya, my wife and I, we don’t think alike. She donates money to the homeless, and I donate money to the topless!

At my age I’m envious of a stiff wind.

Never tell your wife she’s bad in bed. She’ll go out and get a second opinion.

A man in the crowd asks: Hey Rodney, how’d you get started? Rodney: I was 12 years old, alone in my room, and I got started!

I live in a tough neighborhood. They got a children’s zoo. Last week, four kids escaped.