213 Quotes by Ron White

If I'm not in the theatre, I'm in an open mic night or doing a guest set at the Comedy Club, or whatever, just trying to develop stuff.

My brain is like a cross between a colander and a Lazy Susan - thin, slow, and it leaks.

I guarantee there's people who watch television who have no idea how complicated it is to make a television show.

I've got a role in the new Billy Bob Thornton movie that Billy Bob wrote and is going to direct called 'Jayne Mansfield's Car.' I only have four scenes, but I have as much dialogue as anybody in the movie.

Mother, she likes the blue material just fine.

You can teach somebody how to be a brain surgeon, but you cannot teach them how to walk on a stage and make people laugh.

I get e-mail from all over the world, and from lawyers and doctors and whoever - plumbers and drywall hangers.

As a small child, I could watch anything happen and tell a story, and it was funny.

I'm not the judge of who that is, but I am a believer that no debt in the universe goes unpaid. If you try to buy early, you'll pay late.