213 Quotes by Ron White

"The way my brain processes information is quite odd. I mean, I have Attention Deficit Disorder and another learning disability I can't even spell. I don't even have a high school diploma. I'm smart, but you can't prove it on paper."

"The next time you have a thought... let it go."

"People are saying that I'm an alcoholic, and that's not true, because I only drink when I work, and I'm a workaholic."

"There were years when I was a beer and tequila guy, then I got real fat. And then I found that you could actually go on a diet and drink scotch. Then I got hooked on scotch, and if you get hooked on scotch, then everything else just tastes wrong."

"I didn't get where I am today by worryin about how I'd feel tomorrow."

"I believe that a bad Super Bowl halftime show is still better than a soccer game."

"The hardest that I've laughed at a movie was probably Team America. I laughed 'til I thought I was just gonna throw up. I almost had to turn it off."

"I really understood a lot more about comedy after listening to Bill Hicks, who died at 32 years old. He's probably the best comedian who ever lived. Although you can't say that because of Carlin, Cosby and Pryor."

"When I was about 12 years old back in Houston, my Dad used to take us to the driving range."

"There are two kinds of comics; there are the ones who build bridges, and then there are the people who walk across the bridges as though they built them. The bridge builders are few and far between."